Lupus. It’s that weird disease that feels impossible to diagnose. Managed by rheumatology which is the specialty that manages all those elusive diseases….

Of which, I now have. I have lupus.

The last several months have been an interesting journey. Life has been throwing me a lot of curve balls and it seems that each time that I felt like I had a handle on it, life would throw me another. In early October, right when we moved out here, we had our first miscarriage. Very early at about 6 1/2 weeks. Then we were lucky and got pregnant right away again. Yay! And saw a heartbeat, but then lost that baby around 9 weeks. So, this prompted a battery of tests with more and more abnormal results…. which finally lead up to the phone call I received yesterday: “You have lupus and you should start taking plaquenil today”.

I spent the rest of the afternoon in shock. I would see a patient, come back to my office and cry, then go out and see another patient. I’m sure I looked like a crazy doctor with bloodshot, puffy eyes.

Right now I feel overwhelmed, scared, and helpless. I mean, why lupus? Why an autoimmune disease? Why not something like high cholesterol where I can change my diet? And why a disease that can cause kidney failure? (Right now I can only seem to remember lupus patients on dialysis or with kidney transplants- not those that are functioning well).

I imagine I will have many more blog posts on this in the days/months to come as I wrap my head around what this means for me and my family (and hopeful future family).